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Earth Day and Connecting to the Land

4/22/2014

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Today being Earth Day, I've revived portions of an article I once wrote for ADF on the topic of connecting to the Spirits of Nature. Here it is revised and updated.


Growing up in a Northern California hippie family, I have always had a special affinity for nature. When I was a child we, my parents, myself, and my little sister had little money and we lived in a VW camper van in several campgrounds for quite a while, and later on a little farm in Oklahoma. My mother would often work as a waitress while my father stayed with us during the day. My father and I, and sometimes my little sister, supplemented the food my Mom brought home by foraging. 


My father was no Euel Gibbons but he was a passable mountain man. We would fish and set out quail or rabbit traps in the morning and in the afternoon we would search the meadows and mountain slopes for wild edibles. We collected cactus, sorrel, pig weed, dandelions, mushrooms, fennel, blackberries, gooseberries, black walnuts, wild onions, wild garlic, tubers, miner's lettuce, and, of course, wild asparagus. Sometimes we had more food than we could eat, sometimes we didn't. I think this is when my real love and appreciation for nature began. 


I have always felt at home in the wild, no matter the climate or terrain. So when I was first asked to write this article for ADF, one of the very first things I realized is that your relationship with nature spirits is one of hospitality. You are visiting them in their home and are, in a sense, a guest. So it seems natural that you would treat them with respect and thank them for allowing you to visit. 


Likewise, when you are trying to establish a relationship with a person you visit with them frequently, invite them to lunch, and learn everything you can about their lives. You wouldn't call a neighbor that you wave at occasionally and visit only one or two times a year at neighborhood gatherings a friend. Neither should you consider visiting nature spirits once or twice a year the same as having a relationship with nature. 


Besides treating nature with proper respect and reciprocating their hospitality, there are two major ways to establish a friendship or relationship with them; visit them and research them. First you can do a lot of research on native plants and animals in your area and how the native people from your area worked with them. You can also learn about the natural history of the area. 


Second, you can spend time hiking and walking through the natural areas in your region. Find one or two areas that really feel nice to you or choose one that needs a little help and spend time learning every plant, rock, and animal in the area. The research will come in handy because it is nice to know if you are talking to a juniper or a pine tree. It is kind of rude to continue addressing "friends" by the wrong names. Doing this research also helps you to understand the relationship that the native people had with these plants. Are they edible? Were they used to make rope? Were structures often built from them? Were they used medicinally? Did the native people do any particular thanking ceremonies for the plants before or after harvesting them? This is the part where you learn all you can about your "friend's" history. 


Spending time in nature will also help you to attune with the spirits of the place, also called spirits of locality. You can discover plants and stones that are just calling out to be talked to. You may discover a special place that you feel compelled to do an offering or even a ritual. You will learn the trails and which plants are at each turn. Over time you will be able to tell when plants are getting ready to bloom or send out new shoots and you will become used to subtle weather shifts and be able to tell when it is about to rain or even snow. 


Once you have learned about the nature in your area and have spent time communing with the nature spirits of the area, doing a ritual to acknowledge the local nature and land spirits is a good step toward establishing a relationship with them. Try using divination in this ritual to determine if you are going in the right direction. Remember that we, humans, have done a lot of harm to the local nature and land spirits and in some cases have even driven away the native people who once honored and revered them. For these reasons they may not have reason to trust you initially. So don't be overly distressed if you don't get a positive divination the first time around. Continue working at the relationship and asking the nature spirits what they need from you. 


Sometimes it is rather evident from the sad state of these natural areas what they need. Organize a monthly or weekly clean-up or work with an existing group. Carry garbage bags and latex gloves with you when you hike. Make offerings of bone meal or other fertilizing agents but try to steer clear of seeds. While seed, even bird seed, seems like a nice idea in your own yard, many are not native to the area you are hiking and are not appropriate offerings in the wild. Delicate ecologies often do not do well when invasive foreign species are introduced so please avoid anything not native that could germinate (trust me I've been part of eradication teams that are trying to deal with this type of problem, it is hard work). 


You may want to consider journalling your experience and taking photographs of area that you are working with so that you can see how far your efforts have taken you. Volunteering with local trail guide groups and giving classes on local ecology, water conservation, geology, or geography are also great ways to get in tune with nature and the spirits of locality. As a guest lecturer I am often surprised by how much I learn from my students and how often I discover new and wonderful places from people who have lived in the area much longer than I have. 


All this may seem a bit complicated but it isn't really. Basically, a good relationship with nature and the nature spirits of your area is the same as a relationship with a good friend. You talk to them often, share things with them, respect them, help them, and love them. After all, isn't that what our Earth needs more of? Love.

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Drama Llamas, Careful, They Spit... or Worse

4/7/2014

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Today, as we prepare for our next Pagan gathering, we are thankful that we have not been plagued by Drama Llamas at any of our events so far this year but many of our close acquaintances, unfortunately, have been. What is a Drama Llama you ask? Well, if you have to ask, you probably haven't been a part of the Pagan community, or any community for that matter, for long.

It is well-known that spiritual communities of all creeds and sizes, even the mainstream ones, are plagued with drama.This is just part and parcel of being a leader in any spiritual group. If you choose to be a leader you will need to learn to identify and  handle it.

Drama can come in many forms in any community, even, and unfortunately, from within. So here's what to look out for.

Dealing with Drama
Group drama usually boils down to one or more of the following four things: 
  • Sex
  • Money
  • Antagonists
  • Burnout

Dealing with Drama - Sex 
In general, Pagans are a lusty bunch. We celebrate the freedom and liberation of our sexual and personal power.  Rites of fertility and rites of pleasure are celebrated and sit at the heart of many Pagan religions. 

So, why do we need sexual ethics? As a leader within Western culture you are held to a higher standard. Sexual relationships between Clergy and the members of their congregations are largely frowned upon, if not viewed as downright criminal in Western culture, this is just the world we live in today. 

The truth of the matter is that societal norms are often in conflict with the norms of our faith. We are not talking about having absolutely no sexual relationships at all within your faith group. What we are discussing is the ethics of being a good leader, protecting your membership, preventing yourself from ending up in jail, and causing yourself or your group to be sued for sexual misconduct. 

Clergypersons have been sued or jailed for inappropriate sexual relationships.  An inappropriate relationship has the potential to exist any time a leader serves in the capacity of both leader and at least one other role with the same group member.

Most commonly the secondary relationship is a social one. It can be a professional, financial, sexual, or romantic. None of these has as much potential for damage as the sexual or romantic relationship. 

Power differentials have the potential for exploitation and harm. When a professional in a position of power carries on more than one type of relationship with another individual, this is often called a dual relationship. 

Dual relationships can erode and warp the professional relationship, they can create conflicts of interest that can compromise the professional judgment of the leader, and they can create situations where the leader is faced with putting his or her own personal needs above the needs and welfare of the group member and the group itself (Pope and Vasquez 193-195). 

Not all dual roles are unavoidable. In small communities, dual relationships are really unavoidable and are not necessarily considered inherently unethical. (Brownlee 497-503; Schank and Skovolt 44-49). However, as a leader it is your responsibility to take some steps to minimize the harm that can be caused. 

Gottleib’s ethical decision making model (41-48), which is based on three dimensions; power, duration, and termination could be useful here. Assess the current relationship in relation to power, duration, and termination. Assess future relationship in relation to power, duration, and termination.

Evaluate the role incompatibility of these relationships. Seek professional consultation, from a colleague or a supervisorv. Discuss the possible ramifications before embarking on a romantic or sexual relationship. 
  • Step 1. Assess the current relationship. Look at the relationship from your potential sweetheart’s perspective. How great is the power differential, how long has the existing relationship been in effect, and is it still in effect? If the current relationship falls in the high power, high duration, indefinite termination range, the potential for harm is very high.
  • Step 2. Assess the potential relationship. Again, examine the relationship you are contemplating in the same way. If it would result in a high power, high duration, indefinite termination range relationship, the potential for harm is again very high. This is why ongoing sexual and romantic relationships can be of particular concern, they almost always fall into the “high” category.
  • Step 3. Examine both relationships for incompatibility. Role incompatibility increases when there are great differences in expectations between multiple roles. The greater the divergence between these expectations of these roles: the greater chances of harm to yourself, your potential sweetheart, your group.
  • Step 4. Obtain consultation from a colleague or supervisor. You may not be in a position to be very objective in this situation, consulting with an unbiased colleague or supervisor could be very helpful in this case. In fact, it should be routine because we are not always aware of our own biases in our decision making process especially when it comes to love or sex.
  • Step 5. Discuss the potential relationship openly with your potential sweetheart. If you have decided to pursue a relationship with this person, discuss openly the potential risks involved. Talk about how to minimize conflicts of interest and ways to prevent your judgment from being affected in situations involving them within the group.

Dealing with Drama - Money
The best way to solve financial issues is to avoid them in the first place. Do not take on the debts of the group just to keep it afloat. Encourage a culture of giving. If it won’t make it without you, the group is not sustainable anyway. 

Do not appoint someone you don’t trust to handle the finances. 
 Just because they make the most noise about the accounts does not make them the best person for the job. 

Do not ignore warning signs. If your treasurer doesn’t have reports available at your monthly meetings or fails to follow through on a request for information, do an independent audit of the account. 

Establish bylaws, policies and procedures. Enforce these policies. If a request goes unheeded three times, they are likely embezzling or over their heads.  Assign an audit committee or hire a professional to audit the accounts.

Dealing with Drama - Antagonists
Passive communication is when a person tends to avoid conflicts and does not risk upsetting the people around him. This communication style can create feelings of loss of control or victimization. 

Aggressive communication is when a person uses power, manipulation, control and intimidation to get what he wants. These people are often disrespectful and may even be hurtful to others. This results in feelings of superiority in the aggressor. 

Passive-aggressive communication combines elements from both of the previous mentioned styles. They tend to procrastinate, forget things, and work inefficiently.  They cannot communicate directly but will behave aggressively especially if he feels he can get away with it. They often has a ton of excuses for why they can’t participate or why his work is late and often blames others for their mistakes. They will also use sarcasm, inappropriate jokes, rumor-mongering, and sniping to make their feelings known. 

Indirect aggression can be stopped. The key is how you respond. The best way is with a process statement. Indirect aggression is not usually about what is said but how it is said or how the person behaves.

Statements about the actual behavior rather than the words being said is more effective. Process statements should be well timed, point out the process of the incident rather than the actual words that were selected, and point out the “elephant in the room” (i.e. their behavior). 

Respond assertively and do not imply that you approve of or agree with his behavior by failing to respond. For example, “you know I really don’t like to hear about the personal problems of other people unless that person is sharing them with me directly, it feels a lot like gossip. 

Communicate your confusion about the mixed messages that they are sending. For example, try saying something like, “that sounded sarcastic, is that the way you really feel?” or “wow, that sounded like a gibe, was it meant that way?”

Ask questions about the true motivation for their behavior.
For example, “I just noticed that this is the second time today you have made a joke about Jerry, is that because you are having trouble communicating how frustrated you are with him?”

Pay more attention to what they do than to what they say. For example, notice if they often walk away from the group whenever a certain person approaches, if they cut certain people off midsentence more than others, or if they frequently speak for other people when a question is directed at that other party. If you can, make a statement about it. For example, “you may not realize this but you seem to interrupt Julie quite a bit, could you try to be aware of that next time she is speaking?

Hold them accountable for results.  For example, “you know I’ve noticed this is the 5th month in a row you’ve been late in filing your reports, we really need to have these on time, if that is something you can’t manage right now we can give that duty to someone else.”

Call them on their lies, gently.  For example, “I could have sworn you posted that your kids were sick again so you couldn’t make it to our park cleanup last weekend, now you are saying that you were at a conference that weekend instead; am I confused?”

Passive-aggressive people rely on your silence. Silence indicates tacit approval of their behavior. They may be confused by your (perceived) sudden betrayal when you begin using process statements to point out their behavior.

If you let them know that you will not be manipulated, you can stop passive-aggressive behavior in your group. You may have to repeat these techniques several times before they take root.

You may also have to deal with fallout if the passive-aggressive person is also an sociopath (which they very well may be).  Always make your process statements with witnesses around passive-aggressive people are likely to deny an incident or to blow it out of proportion.

Do not respond to passive-aggressive behavior with more passive-aggressive behavior stay calm if they get upset or become more aggressive. Also, keep written records of any communications you have with passive-aggressive people they often embellish past events and their memories are not always accurate; having facts on hand can help refute their statements.

Remember, that all people behave this way at some point. While you can use these tactics with people who only do it occasionally, it is far more effective with those who do it habitually. 

Also, be aware that sometimes a person who is routinely late actually has valid reasons, or perhaps suffers from ADHD or other condition that affects him in matters of timeliness. While the person who leaves the group whenever a certain individual joins it may simply have an issue with that individual’s body odor. 

Using questions to clarify your observations might provide them with the opportunity to share what is affecting their behavior and give you a chance to help them. The upside to facing a passive-aggressive person is that others will become brave and follow suit. 

You can create a drama-free culture in your group by modeling appropriate conflict and encouraging others to follow suit. Other passive-aggressive people in your group will recognize that their behavior is not tolerated and modify their behavior or leave; and your group members will have a safe haven to honor the spirits together. 

Dealing with Drama -  Sociopaths 
If the actions suggested previously do not work and the person, instead, amps up their attacks or becomes openly hostile or even physical, they may be a sociopath. 

Sociopaths are not few and far between. They make up a significant portion of our population possibly 1 in every 25 people you meet. 

Sociopaths lack a conscience. They do not and can not experience any other kind of positive attachment to their fellow human beings. This deficit, which is hard imagine for empaths (non-sociopaths), reduces life to an endless game of attempted domination over other people.   

Sometimes sociopaths are physically violent. Often they are not, preferring to "win" by exploiting people and organizations. 

Sociopaths are dangerous. They believe themselves superior to others and may believe they are smarter than anyone else. They have entitlement issues and think that rules and laws don’t apply to them. They can harm you physically if they think they will get away with it.  They can harm your social or professional life by slandering you or winning over supervisors and coworkers with their lies. 
  1. Acceptance. Accept that some people literally have no conscience.   These people do not often look like Charles Manson or Freddie Krueger.   They look like us.  
  2. Go with your instincts. In a contest between your instincts and what is implied by your professional role, go with your gut.
  3. Practice the Rule of Threes.Three lies, three broken promises or three instances of neglected responsibility are pretty indicative that you are dealing with a sociopath.   Do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a three-timer.   Your gifts will be wasted.
  4. Question authority. Just because your High Priestess says it, doesn’t make it so.   You should always question a leader’s authority when you have the feeling that they are abusing power, people, or the authority of their office.  
  5. Suspect flattery. Don’t buy into a sociopath’s agenda just because they have flattered you with special treatment, kind words, favors or gifts.
  6. Redefine your concept of respect.   Too often, we mistake fear for respect, and the more fearful we are of someone, the more we view him or her as deserving of our respect.   To mistake fear for respect is to ensure your own victimization.   In a perfect world, respect would be an automatic reaction only to those who are strong, kind, and morally courageous. Dealing with Drama.
  7. Do not join the game. Intrigue is a sociopath’s tool.   Resist the temptation to compete with a seductive sociopath, to outsmart him, to psychoanalyze, or even banter with him.   In addition to reducing yourself to his level, you would be distracting yourself from what is really important, which is to protect yourself.   Sociopaths know that decent people will not be able to overcome them because we generally do not use the same tactics as they do.   The best thing you can do is to refuse to be a piece in the sociopathic chess game.
  8. Avoid him. Refuse any kind of contact or communication.  The only truly effective method for dealing with a sociopath you have identified is to disallow him or her from you life altogether.   Sociopaths live completely outside of the social contract, and therefore to include them in relationships or other social arrangements is perilous.
  9. Question your tendency to pity too easily.   Pity is another socially valuable response, and it should be reserved for innocent people who are in genuine pain or who have fallen on misfortune.
  10. Do not try to redeem the unredeemable. This is the hardest pill to swallow for many spiritual leaders. You will never change them and your responsibility to yourself and your group is to keep them from hurting you- which will only be accomplished through expulsion, or simply totally ignoring them and limiting their influence in every way possible.
  11. Never agree, for any reason, to help a sociopath conceal his or her true character. Think about how many children were molested because a Bishop felt sorry for a subordinate clergy person and hid their true proclivities, even to the extent of moving them to another place to conceal their behavior.
  12. Defend your psyche.   Do not allow someone without a conscience, or even a string of such people, to convince you that humanity is a failure.   Most human beings do possess conscience.   Most human beings are able to love.                                 
  13. Living well is the best revenge.


Dealing with Drama -Burnout
Burnout is particularly high among spiritual leaders. So, don’t let it happen to you.According to the Texas Medical Association, people with certain traits are more likely to burnout than others. A leader with the following traits has an increased risk for burnout (“Pathways to Burnout”):
  1. Perfectionism
  2. Need for control
  3. High need for achievement
  4. Exaggerated sense of responsibility
  5. Need to please everyone
  6. Obsessiveness
  7. Difficulty asking for help
  8. Excessive, unrealistic guilt
  9. Believes that to reveal emotions=weakness 
  10. Difficulty taking time for oneself

Conclusions
What can you do? 
  • Foster an environment of trust.
  • Give others an opportunity to lead.
  • Promote open communication.
  • Cultivate creativity.
  • Stay positive, it’s a process.
  • Deal with BS or drama immediately and effectively.
  • Do not let your members get taken advantage of.
  • Protect your people and yourself.
  • Talk to someone. Don’t get burned out.
  • Have fun. This isn’t supposed to be all hard work.

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Group Dynamics of Social Loafing

3/25/2014

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So you have a plan to start raising money for your group, the plan seems fool-proof and everyone is excited about it. You arrive on the appointed day to put the plan in to motion and suddenly, you find that you are the only one doing anything (or worse, no one else shows up). 


Yikes! What happened?

This is actually a very common problem; psychologists call this phenomenon diffusion of responsibility, motivation loss, or social loafing. Diffusion of responsibility is a social phenomenon that occurs in groups above a certain size when no clear job responsibilities are assigned. Diffusion of responsibility can lead to Social Loafing. Social loafing is the tendency for people in a group to work less hard when participating in a group effort toward achieving a common goal than when individually accountable for their actions.

So why does it happen?

The primary explanation for diffusion of responsibility is that members of groups believe that someone else more qualified will do it. Further, the main explanation for social loafing is that, because they assume that their performance will not be evaluated, individuals feel unmotivated while working in a group. Social loafing occurs when an individual feels that they are not accountable for their work, their work duplicates a colleague’s efforts, they feel exploited, or the work is boring.

How can you keep it from happening again?

Loafing lessens when the challenge of the work in increased, different members have different tasks, group performance of one group is evaluated against another group, or when members are working on something that is very important to them.

Social facilitation is another social phenomenon which happens when there is stronger performance in the presence of others but only when the task is easy or something that the person is especially good at. This can be encouraged by giving members tasks that they enjoy or are good at doing.

Additionally, you can divide your group in to two (or more) smaller groups and assign a similar task and have the groups compete. For example, when brainstorming ideas for the next fundraiser split the group in to two (keeping your officers impartial) and have both groups brainstorm for the best and most fully-formed fundraising plan, the officers will vote on the plans to decide which one will be used.

Other things you can do to minimize social loafing in your group include; getting the individuals in your group to collaborate by assigning each member a task, giving group members a chance to choose their tasks, or offering awards to individuals for having the most participation.

Keep trying new techniques to get your members involved and make sure that the charity, community service, or fundraising programs you are doing are meaningful to your members. Get people excited about helping and emphasize the virtue of hospitality. Offer rewards and recognition for your group’s hard work. Be consistent with where and when your activities take place.  Above all, don’t get discouraged; if you keep it up and continue to make a big deal about what you are doing you will eventually get at least a few devoted members who consistently show up and support your efforts.


Jackson, J. M. & Harkins, S. G. (1985). Equity in effort: An explanation of the social loafing effect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 49, 1199-1206.

Jackson, J. M. & Williams, K. D. (1985). Social loafing on difficult tasks.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 49, 937-942.

Karau, S. J. & Williams, K. D. (1993). Social loafing: A meta-analytic review and theoretical integration. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 65, 681-706. 

Latané, B., Williams, K., & Harkins, S., (2006). Many Hands Make Light the Work: The Causes and Consequences of Social Loafing. In M.J. Levine & R.L. Moreland,Small Groups. (pp. 297-308). New York: Psychology Press.

Wegge, J., & Haslam, S.A. (2005) Improving work motivation and performance in brainstorming groups: The effects of three group goal-setting strategies. European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology, Vol 14(4), 400-430.

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He Said, She Said: Dealing with Differences in Perception and Human Memory in Pagan Groups

3/12/2014

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One bright sunny day, the Circle of the Laughing Turtles was having a lovely campout. They had camped together many times before and, while conflicts occasionally came up; they generally were minor and they were still able to camp together in harmony. This was not one of those times.

The trouble arose when two of the Circle’s children had an argument over which of them had found a particular piece of quartz crystal that now sat in a large collective pile of stones. 

The children had been collecting stones and crystals from the nearby creek all weekend and, until this point, had cared little for whom had found them. After a long discussion with the children, the adults found that each story contained a few similar elements but that the story tellers each remembered the exact details very differently. Even the other children who were there at the discovery of the crystal in question had different recollections. Some of them sided with one child, some sided with the other and several didn’t remember very well which of them found it at all.

So, which of these children is telling the truth and which one is lying? The answer to this question is not so simple.  People commonly believe that memory is like a video tape and things that are not remembered clearly may be clearly recalled with the aid of hypnosis or with time and effort. Unfortunately, this is completely untrue.

The fact of the matter is that human memory is changeable, corruptible, and inaccurate. In short, your brain makes up details and we often perceive or hear what we want to (or fear to) perceive or hear. Numerous studies have born this out. From studies on the lack of reliable eye witness testimony to studies on how the retelling of stories changes memory over time, research has shown that there is little we can trust about our memories.

Does it really matter that our memories are inaccurate? That depends largely on who you ask.  If it is a memory that involves only you in any significant way, it probably doesn’t matter much to the rest of the world. How you recall that memory though can have profound effects on how you perceive yourself and the world. Dan McAdams (as cited in Dingfelder, 2011, p. 42), a psychology professor at Northwestern University notes that "stories help us smooth out some of the decisions we have made and create something that is meaningful and sensible out of the chaos of our lives" (as cited in Dingfelder) So, in many ways re-telling stories about life events can be a good thing, but not always.

If your inaccurate memories involve or affect others in a significant way, it probably will matter quite a bit. Differing memories of traumatic or upsetting incidents can affect friendships and alliances in very intense ways.  John Holmes (as cited in Dingfelder), a psychology professor at Waterloo University, asserts that “telling stories about your spouse that focus on negative traits, for instance, can cause you to forget about the positive traits you used to cherish.” Many marriages and long-term friendships have broken up over the fact that a specific incident is remembered very differently by the parties involved. If everyone concerned understood the mechanisms of memory and perception better, perhaps these differences could have been worked out. So, it seems that re-telling stories can also have a negative effect as well as positive ones.

So, which is correct? Should we tell stories about our lives or shouldn’t we? The answer to this question isn’t simple either. Under some circumstances, re-telling your life’s stories can be a positive thing; under others it can be negative. It all depends on how you tell it, who you tell it to and what stage in your life you are currently working through at the time.

Some people exhibit traits that make their stories inherently more positive, while others are more likely to tell positive stories during specific stages of their lives.  Generativity, the desire to provide for future generations and make the world a better place, (Erikson, 1959, p. 97) can be an inherent trait or part of a life-stage.  All people are capable of becoming generative at some stage in life but fewer people exhibit a greater degree of generativity throughout their life-cycle. McAdams says that those with more generative traits tend to work in career fields that have a higher probability of making the community or the world a “better” place (as cited in Dingfelder).  According to McAdams, generative people also tend to tell more stories in which “terrible things happen to them, but often these bad events lead to positive results of one kind or another” (as cited in Dingfelder). These stories are inspirational and usually have some sort of moral or learning experience attached to them. 

Generative people also seem to be generally happier and more satisfied people overall. In one study, participants were asked to tell open-ended stories about significant experiences in their lives. Raters then totaled the "redemption sequences," occasions in which negative events have positive conclusions and "contamination sequences," in which the opposite occurred in each story (McAdams, Reynolds, Lewis, Patten, & Bowman, 2001, p. 474-485). Researchers found also that participants who told more redemption sequences also tended to be happier with their lives. 

Research has found that people who tell less detailed stories about the conflicts they have experienced tend to be happier than most but that they do not make any significant advances in ego development, a measure of the sophistication with which a person perceives the world (King, Scollon, Ramsey & Williams, 2000, p. 509-536).  It was also discovered that people who told more fluent stories, those with foreshadowing and without tangential details, were more liable to be happier (King et al.). This seems to imply that those who can tell stories about how they overcame adversity to positive effect and those who tell stories that gloss over the negative experiences, are both happier, more satisfied people. 

Research on the stories of 104 adults in outpatient psychotherapy seems to indicate that those who tell more comprehensive stories tended to report more major gains in general well-being (Adler, Skalina & McAdams, 2008, p. 719-734). He also found that the best predictor of psychological improvement was found when the patient saw himself, rather than the counselor, as the central character of their narratives. Further research discovered that patients began feeling better immediately after telling stories in which they took more direct control over their own lives.

Evidence indicates, however, negative stories told in defense of something or someone may be more likely to have destructive effects. Professors Ian McGregor and John Holmes (1999, p. 403-419) conducted a study in which they provided an ambiguous story about a breakup to research participants, asking them to pick a side. Participants were instructed to tell a story that placed blame on just one of the individuals involved. Even after re-reading the original script, the students had come to believe their own story just two weeks later. Forty weeks after the participants first read the ambiguous story, they had forgotten almost all of the essential details but still felt that the original character they had supported was the innocent party. This study can easily be applied to real world situations in which the friends of parties involved in a conflict feel obligated to choose sides. Even after the parties have reconciled, friends can often still feel negative feelings toward the other party and may even influence the party they supported to think more negatively about an experience that has already been resolved.  "Once you tell a story” says Holmes “it’s hard to get out of that story’s framework, and they tend to get more dramatic over time" (as cited in Dingfelder).

So, knowing all of this might be helpful in understanding “he said, she said” situations but does it really help you in the long run? It might, depending on how you apply this knowledge.

If you discover parties in your group having a conflict, you may want to set them down in separate areas. Instruct other members to leave the parties alone and to not engage one another in discussion about the incident. Then have each party and the witnesses write down their memory of the event as immediately as possible. Read each account and then call a meeting to facilitate discussion.

Explain that you understand that there are different perspectives about what happened and that it is not your job to decide which perspective is more accurate. Both perspectives are valid because both are real to the participants involved. Do not negate their feelings about the situation but instead engage the group in solution-focused discussion. What happened is far less relevant than how similar events can be avoided or resolved in the future.

Have each party come up with 2-5 things that they personally could have done differently. Then have each of them each discuss what they learned from the experience. Redirect accusations and ask your members to talk instead about how they feel about what happened and what they personally plan to do about preventing their part in it from recurring. Remind them that they can’t change the behavior of others; they can only be responsible for themselves. Do not blame them or chide them and be matter of fact but compassionate, while not engaging in finger pointing. 

At the conclusion of the meeting, encourage them all to shake hands, hug or apologize as they see fit. Do not force them to do what they do not feel comfortable doing. Further encourage the participants to not talk about what they believe happened but what they have learned from the experience and how it has made them a better person, rather than talking about what they believe the other person has done. 

You cannot control what people say to one another after they leave the group. All you can do is educate them, provide new tools for dealing with the situation, and hope they move forward. If you focus on personal growth and accountability consistently and reward members with praise when they do it themselves, you will find other members will begin to follow suit without as much assistance from you.

Keep a positive attitude and remember to practice what you preach. Lead by example and tell positive narratives about your experiences as a leader yourself. Increase the number of “redemption sequences” in your own stories. Develop more comprehensive narratives as teaching tools and be patient. It takes a long time to break old habits but it can be done. 


References 

Adler, J., Skalina,L., & Mcadams, D. (2008).The narrative reconstruction of psychotherapy and psychological health.[Quick Edit]Psychotherapy Research,18, (6), 719-734. Dingfelder S.F. (2011). Our Stories, Ourselves. Monitor, 42 (1), 42.

Erikson, E. H. (1959). Identity and the life cycle: selected papers.International Universities Press,1, (1). 97.

King, L. A., Scollon, C. K., Ramsey, C. & Williams, T. (2000) Stories of Life Transition: Subjective Well-Being and Ego Development in Parents of Children with Down Syndrome. Journal of Research in Personality,34,509-536.

McAdams, D.P., Reynolds, J., Lewis,M., Patten, A. H., & Bowman, P. J.,  (2001). When Bad Things Turn Good and Good Things Turn Bad: Sequences of Redemption and Contamination in Life Narrative and their Relation to Psychosocial Adaptation in Midlife Adults and in Students.Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27. 474-485. 

McGregor, I., & Holmes, J. G., (1999). How Storytelling Shapes Memory and Impressions of Relationship Events Over Time. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 76, (3), 403-419.

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Groupthink: When Good Groups go Bad

3/4/2014

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Digging through some old copies of Psychological Science the other day, I ran across an article that caught my attention about the psychological phenomena of goupthink.

Which put to mind something American chemist, physicist, and Nobel Prize in Physics laureate, Ray Davis, once said, “the tribe often thinks the visionary has turned his back on them. When, in fact, the visionary has simply turned his face to the future.” 

I realized this is just what happens in many cohesive groups when one individual breaks away from the group "mind" to follow a vision they have for the future of the group or when they start bringing new or fresh ideas to an established group.

The concept of groupthink was conceived in 1972 by Iriving L. Janis. 

It is tendency of highly or moderately cohesive groups to seek concurrence. This leads to the following seven possible results:
1) an incomplete survey of alternatives 
2) an incomplete survey of objectives 
3) the failure to examine risks of preferred choice 
4) the failure to reappraise initially rejected alternatives 
5) poor information search 
6) selective bias in processing information 
7) the failure to work out contingency plans (Brandstatter, Davis, & Stocker-Kreichgauger, 1982)

When any of those seven criteria for groupthink are met, it is plausible to presume that incorrect or deviant decision-making will be the outcome.

Loyalty to the group demands that individuals to avoid bringing up controversial issues or novel solutions, this results not only in a loss of individual creativity but a loss of independent thinking. The dysfunctional group dynamics of the "in-group" produces an "illusion of invulnerability", an inflated certainty that the in-group has made the correct decision. Thus the "in-group" significantly overestimates their own decision-making abilities, and grossly underestimates the abilities of their opponents, the "out-group".

Janis listed several factors that may promote groupthink: direct pressure against argument, self-censorship of deviations from the apparent group consensus, and a shared illusion of unanimity (Brandstatter, et al, 1982).  

The concurrence-seeking tendency that occurs among moderately or highly cohesive groups is of special importance.  If this is a dominant tendency, members of the group will develop rationalizations that will allow them to share in the illusion of invulnerability and will display other symptoms of groupthink.  The conditions put forth by Janins creating groupthink are 
1) high cohesiveness 
2) insulation of the group 
3) lack of methodical procedures for search and appraisal 
4) directive leadership 
5) high stress with low degree of hope for finding better solution than one favored by leader and/or other influential members (Brandstatter, et al, 1982). 

If you don't want your group to go down this path, or you fear it is going down this path already, there are things that can be done. Suggested methods of for avoiding groupthink include:  
1) fostering open discussion of all alternatives 
2) considering  ‘worst case’ scenarios 
3) creating contingency plans for failure 
4) advising leaders to avoid ad-vocation of any particular plan early  in discussion 
5) having ideas reviewed by experts and devil’s advocates 
6) breaking into several independent groups 
7) re-discussing the decision after it has been made 
8) making group and group members more accountable for their decision (Janis 1982; McCauley 1982; Hart 1998) (Baron & Keer, 2003)

References:
Baron, R. S., & Kerr N. L. (2003).  Group process, group decision, group action. Buckingham: Open University Press.

Brandstatter, H, Davis, J. H., & Stocker-Kreichgauer, G. (Ed.) .  (1982).  Group decision making. Academic Press.

Packer, D. J.  (2008).  Avoiding groupthink whereas weakly identified members remain silent, strongly identified members dissent about collective problems.  Psychological Science.

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Reciprocity, One of the Three Graces of Cornerstone

2/24/2014

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Hospitality, also known as Reciprocity is not just a duty. True Reciprocity is a spiritual practice. Like prayer or meditation, Reciprocity connects us with a deeper truth and compassion that transcends our selves. That our sense of individualism is an illusion that cuts us off from what is true and sacred in our lives. It is the illusion of separation from one another.

Neither is Reciprocity something to be proclaimed aloud; it must be lived in our daily lives, every day. Hospitality is both a spiritual discipline and an expression of personal spiritual health. If you are feeling angry, hurt, or alienated you cannot offer a warm welcome to someone else. Likewise, if you are at peace and filled with abundant joy, then Reciprocity
 flows naturally from the very depths of your being.

What is true of an individual, must also true of their community. A spiritual community in which people do not genuinely love one another is not likely to exude warmth. 
A spiritual community that is insular and disconnected from the rest of the community cannot offer spiritual Reciprocity. Reciprocity is love in action.

I have found that, for me, the Divine is most often found within the practices of Reciprocity, making room for others in my life, making room in my own heart, for the stranger within and among us.

When we speak of Reciprocity we are also addressing issues of inclusion vs. exclusion. Our entire culture excludes so many people. If you are wheelchair-bound, for example, you are excluded because there are places you can't go. If you are very young, or very old, you are excluded. Women are excluded, as are minorities and those who practice a religions different from the societal majority.

Encountering and interacting with those who are different from ourselves is important, because it stretches us. When we create a life surrounded by people just like ourselves, we lead a very narrow life. A spirituality centered in such a life will drift into complacency. It allows us to settle for easy answers based solely on personal experiences. 

So, Reciprocity has an inescapable moral dimension. It is not mere social grace; it is a spiritual and ethical issue. It is an issue that gets to the very core of what it means to be human.

But we must also take our spiritual practice of Reciprocity beyond the safety of our own religious communities. Our practice must extend to opening our hearts to strangers throughout our lives and to those who’s beliefs challenge our own.

The real challenge comes when we encounter people who *appear* to be different from ourselves. People we perceive as different test our spiritual development, and they help us develop spiritually. We need to practice openness to people who make us uncomfortable: people a lot older or younger; people who are a different ethnicity; people who are gay, straight, conservative, or liberal; people who are mentally ill. The stranger among us.

When we welcome the uncomfortable, we grow. We come to realize that there is more that binds us than divides us. We are not all that separate after all.

We begin to discover that the best reason to reach out isn't just to help another person, to make them more comfortable, to make ourselves feel whole, or to be more spiritual. Reaching out frees us from the prison of the self. Practicing Reciprocity, reaching out with love, frees us from individualism and narcissism. It helps us have greater love and acceptance for our fellow man and, by extension, our own selves.

With love comes understanding, and with understanding comes love. Ultimately, love and understanding are one. Reciprocity is compassion, love, understanding, and the freedom from the illusion of separateness. It is knowing you are never alone, and never will be alone again, because we are all, ultimately, one.

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Accountability, Compensation and the Anti-Establishment Mindset

2/21/2014

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 In most nonprofit religious institutions the organization has justifiable concerns regarding the misuse of charitable funds and protecting the common good. Nonprofits are largely self-regulated entities, offering an opening for abuse at the hands of unscrupulous individuals.

In Pagan institutions, we tend to be even more suspicious of the use of our funds. The Pagan movement grew out of the anti-establishment movement. "Establishment" to these activists was not simply the people of the older generation, but the existing power structure in society; the dominant groups in society and their customs or institutions; institutional authority; and those who formed the “ruling class.” In other words, those who had control of the money. Is it any wonder then, that Pagan communities today share an inherent distrust of money, or those organizations, individuals, or leaders who ask for it in return for their goods and services?

Yet, there is a growing movement among the Pagan community to change that mindset, particularly among the newer generations of Pagans. It is understood that there is a desire among our leaders to give the appearance of protecting the common good and that many factors have combined to create pressures on our leaders to provide accountability, especially in the area of compensation. We feel this is a good thing. Accountability is absolutely necessary. However, we also feel that the time, energy, knowledge and experience of our leaders is valuable and that too many of our elders, leaders and organizations are not being fairly compensated for their work.

This has been true of religious organizations from all denominations, not just Pagan ones, as much as any other. To alleviate concerns about leaders or organizations not being honest about the use of funds there has to be accountability, and there are ways to do that. Some other organizations have already done this work for us, we don't have to reinvent the wheel.

In response, the Commission on Accountability and Policy for Religious Organizations, sponsored by the Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability, issued “Enhancing Accountability for the Religious and Broader Nonprofit Sector.”

“Enhancing Accountability” offers six recommendations for religious and charitable organizations. They are:

  • Regardless of the provisions of the Internal Revenue Code (IRC) and related regulations, the governing bodies of nonprofit organizations should ensure that the compensation (including benefits) paid to leaders is clearly reasonable under the circumstances.

  • Nonprofit organizations should adopt appropriately robust policies that provide clear and practical guidance for establishing reasonable compensation for leaders, properly address conflicts of interest and guide them in avoiding making excess benefit transactions.

  • When a nonprofit engages a compensation consultant to assist in obtaining appropriate data as to comparability for executive compensation, the members of the body should exercise prudence and diligence that the data is for similarly situated organizations.

  • Nonprofits should require that total compensation of their top paid leader is disclosed to or approved by the governing body of the organization.

  • One or more independent organizations should conduct compensation surveys of the largest exempt religious organizations.

There you have it! A universally acceptable way to create policies for the compensation of the leaders of your organization. Its time to stop treating money like the bad guy. We won't have a good relationship with money until we learn how to treat money like the tool it is. It can be used for good or it can be used for bad, the difference is in who's hands it is wielded. The responsibility for accountability is ours.





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Pantheacon Update

2/19/2014

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We are back in the office after an amazing soft launch at Pantheacon. There is so much to say and, hopefully, we will not leave anything important out.

First of all, we would love to thank Jason Pitzl-Waters for his gracious coverage of Cornerstone in The Wild Hunt. We are very humbled for the mention and feel blessed for the opportunity to be included alongside Pantheon Foundation, who is doing amazing work in the field of Pagan nonprofits.

Next, we want to say that there was tremendous support for the discussion of Pagan nonprofit organizations, institutions, and leadership this year. It is very apparent that the Pagan community is ready and willing to jump into this work and we couldn't be happier to hear it! This year and those to come will be a time of change for Pagan community as we move further away from some of the roots of our movement, including the anti-establishment and anti-organization movements of our forefathers. As a child of hippie parents, I'm of two hearts and minds on this at times, I know it must be done but my idealist upbringing sometimes wishes it did not have to be so.

Additionally, to all the wonderful and enchanting people we met and spent time with this weekend, you have given us much to think about and have reinforced many of the ideas we have begun to work on. You will begin to notice some new materials posted on the site as the next few weeks progress. We've begun putting some of your ideas and suggestions into action already.

Finally, we are recruiting for our committees. This includes our education, service, interfaith and congregation committees but also includes some of our lesser known committees. We will post a full list of committees we are recruiting for later this week here on the blog and on our facebook page. If you think you are qualified, and are interested in joining the committee, please, please, please send a succinct resume to us at cornerstonepagans@outlook.com indicating which committee is of greatest interest to you.

Blessings to you all!






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Pantheacon Launch

2/12/2014

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Pantheacon festival is happening this weekend and many of our administrative launch team will be in attendance. We hope to see several of you there in our hospitality room #947 right next to the elevators.

We will be having several exciting events in the room this year, including an amazing auction and a Valentine's Day basket sale. Come checkout all the wonderful goodies we have available.

Additionally, three of our courses from the Congregation Facilitator's Certificate will be presented at the convention this year for credit. So, please attend during the dinner hour, if you are able, and get some of your credits completed free of charge.

SCHEDULE OF EVENTS:
Friday
5:15-6:45: “Group Dynamics for Neopagan Leaders”
11:00: Dessert reception/”What is Cornerstone?”

Saturday
5:15-6:45: “Strategic Planning for Neopagan Leadership”
11:00: Dessert reception /”What is Cornerstone?”

Sunday
5:15-6:45: “Creating Lasting Legacies in Neopagan Groups”
11:00: Dessert reception/”What is Cornerstone?”

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Fundraising Drives

2/12/2014

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Our Capitol Campaign fundraiser just opened yesterday with a goal of $50,000! We think we can top that easily. Funds raised during this campaign will help us build physical Pagan spiritual worship centers, do national and international Interfaith work, educate our community leaders about Paganism, and serve our communities through charitable work. http://www.gofundme.com/6o3meg

T-shirts sales also benefit our community education programs by funding our training videos, materials, books and paying for our educators to travel and work with law enforcement in providing diversity and anti-discrimination training. https://www.bonfirefunds.com/cornerstone-pagan-fellowship


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    Jessie Olson, our President, has been a Pagan for over 20 years and a leader in the Pagan community for the last 12 years. She holds a Masters degree in Psychology and lives in Northern California with her life-partner, Craig.

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